George and Kaspar

These two idiots are George and Kaspar.

George is the last of three brothers - big old ginger farm-cats that we acquired when the children were small. Kaspar is a rescue cat - that we rescued after nobody chose him for months at the local cat rescue place. Apparently black cats are rarely chosen.

George is on a continual cycle of flea treatment, and has been for years. You name it - he's been on it. Every now and again they return - usually in the summer. We're beginning to suspect that fleas are trans-dimensional beings, and George is a spawning point for them in our universe.

Kaspar grew up wild. He only tolerates humans when he's hungry - at which point he flips personalities from "couldn't care if you were dead", to "best friend in the world". Seriously - you've never seen a cat prostitute itself for food quite like it.

Strangely, our youngest daughter has a very odd bond with Kaspar - although he goes nowhere near the rest of us - and will actively walk backwards through the room away from you - if she walks in, he runs up to her for a headbut. Go figure.

We suspect he's actually saying "this is the affection I could give you, but no - I'm gaslighting you all, because that's how toxic and twisted I really am".

While he hates most humans, he loves other cats. Go figure.

Both of the cats come and find me mid-afternoon. Since working from home they've been working on ways to annoy me just enough that I'll feed them - just to make them go away. This afternoon - while trying to concentrate on my work - George silently entered the room behind me, and began raking his claws through the carpet directly behind me. In the time it took me to turn around, all I saw was a tail sliding behind the door - exiting the scene.

When anybody enters the kitchen, one or both of the cats will arrive, suck their breath in, and pretend they haven't been fed. Sometimes it works. They are quite dedicated about it. We do wonder if George is becoming senile though - and sometimes forgets that he's just eaten. Perhaps he gets muddled up with who he's tried the starving-act on?

We don't typically see Kaspar outside of meal-times. We don't know where he goes. For all we know, he has several other houses that feed him - and that he probably shows affection to.

We're being played by both of them. And we let them do it. What the hell is wrong with us?